I should be excited about the wedding shower I’m going to today. I should be thrilled that in a few days the Bug and I will be heading to Chicago to spend time with family and friends. I had planned on writing a big ole post today about my Jewelry Open House.
Instead, my heart is breaking.
My dearest fuzzy friend and companion of 19 years is dying. Her liver is sick, she’s refusing to take the meds, and she’s stopped eating. The measures I’d have to take to keep her alive would be so invasive and painful, that even the vet is not pushing for me to go that route.
Here’s the part of loving a pet that’s painful. Here’s the part that you don’t think of when you pick up that mewling bundle of fur from the cage at the shelter and fall in love at first sight.
Through the years, when a friend has a pet pass, you stop and think a moment that that’s down the road for you; but that’s not something to dwell on and instead, you continue to enjoy the love and antics of your furry friend.
For the last day or so, my eyes have been so wet so often, that now they are swollen. And then there’s that lump in my throat and knotted sick stomach that never seems to go away.
I’m finding that thinking of the happy memories and love she’s given me is the only way to keep myself from being so selfish as to prolong her misery.
She is 19 after all. and though I know she’s sick, it’s tough to believe because she doesn’t look 19. Her eyes, until now, have been bright, and her fur silky and full.
Now is the time I must put all my selfish feelings aside and let her go.
What I have been trying to do is remember our good times together, the funny things she used to do. She would’ve been a wonderful mother, I’m sure, because whenever anyone cried, she always came running to that person’s side. Whenever I was actually sick enough to be in bed, she’d be my little nurse, snuggling next to me like a little hot water bottle.
Yes, we’ve had plenty of tough times. Just read my first post. That’s because she’s a smarty. I suppose that’s why she’s been so much fun. She could be quite the character.
And one of the toughest things of all is watching Bug go through all this. These two have been best buds. Fooz is like a sister for Bug. They snuggle together every night and the Bug sings to her, and tells her all about what she did that day until the cat falls asleep.
She’s inconsolable. She understands there’s nothing to be done and that Foozle is likely suffering. I know after some time passes, she’ll get through it; I just wish I could make it all better for her now.
Oh yes, Bug would like me to add that she loves Foozle with all her heart, and doesn’t want her to suffer, even though she can’t bear to part with her.
I apologize for such a sad post; my mind simply cannot get past this. I promise the next one will be much happier.
And I will get through all this myself in time. Remembering is bittersweet, but it will keep her close in my heart. For instance, the thought of how she’d join me in the living room every morning, stretched out on the rug under Grandma’s chair, just her toes poked into the sunny patch, sleeping. That will always be her place. There and in my heart.